Katja Grober

1

People are like: “half of life is showing up” I’m like it’s staring fear in the face, and then laugh breathe – live.
We could all be more understanding imo
The boy I used to babysit is describing his ex lover, their separation “and now we’re both miserable” Everyone is talking about:
kylie jenner’s pink chrome nails
and her roots
and how “every bad thing I’ve ever done is awake with me”
Im not sure how there are not more people crying everywhere
Your house is so family and beautiful I want to belong in it
This is why I save all my money and get stressed out by long pauses
who are you to come into my life and control it
Do I spend enough time digesting things
like the last book I read / the movie I watched / my days with you / the reasons I bothered If I can help it I will never cause you stress
If I can help it you will never be my ex

2

girlfriends live on they live lightyears beyond us their kisses don’t fade I’m here
I’ve been here before
no one’s ever the same
girlfriends live forever loving spirits win the races I’m not superstitious I’m paranoid remember me for dreaming too loud and writing your address on my metro card
I taste a basement of knock off handbags you taste a toast to friends
I want to get in some shit you want to stay out of it
I’m bold because I’m invisible
I write because my reactions are delayed thoughtful
bullshit

3

I’ll meet you
at the spot o’clock
let’s walk in holding hands
so they know I love you
I created a new genre for you
It’s when you’re laying in bed remembering a time / you can literally take yourself there like / a steamy hot fantasy of life
Sitting under the slide telling secrets / making a best friend in a foreign country in a lightning storm in a pile of sticks / being covered in sand / covered in pee / peeing laughing changing my pants and peeing again / capsizing / Harvard night at Whiskey Saigon / losing all my textbooks / playing cards in the bathroom / drinking wine on the balcony / shaving our legs / being in your arms in the cool early morning smog / seeing staring eating the Hollywood sign with my brand new LA eyes / our last shower together / getting the news / that time you showed me a gun and I screamed / you literally breaking my heart / freaking me tf out in my own hotel room
Real life fantasy
Facing your fears at its finest
Find a sweet spot
Stay light as long as you can
It’s just you and me I say / to myself and fall asleep
I’ve always loved to play pretend and I think we should do it right now
Let’s pretend we’re being haunted and that we’re best friends / we’re new home owners and we like the same funky furniture and we buy cow chairs and we have happy ghosts and a horse at our second home in Tennessee, every Best Friend’s dream
We play pretend even when its real
Lets pretend we’re famous and the new sitcom we’re in is bad and we’re embarrassed but we’re best friends and we’re growing and everything feels permanent for one second fleeting another. “It’s whatever you don’t want” “then I’ll have decaf and she’ll take a fork in her eye” we laugh at everything Live your dreams – you can live your dreams today, play pretend
Let’s buy wigs and go dancing!
New genre is make believe it’s everything we are with sugar spice and forgiveness
It’s moving on from shame it’s moving despite illness
It’s not expecting it’s making believe

 

Katja Grober 

don’t believe what you read about me

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